"odi et amo quare id faciam fortasse requiris / nescio sed fieri sentio et excrucior" ~The opening of Catullus 85

I hate and I love. Why do I do this, you perhaps ask. I do not know, but I feel it happening and I am tormented. My fears are beginning to surface again. Unwept tears fill my soul. I hate this feeling. I hate running away. But it's what I always do. Running away is what I'm good at. Putting my trust in someone is hard. Why is it so? I know that if I'm always like this, nothing will happen. I have always been living in a dream world. A sad fairytale that I chose to believe. Jaded, but for no reason. Depressed, with an uncertain cause. Perhaps I am confused, just like you are right now.

"rosa rubicundior lilio candidior omnibus formosior semper in te glorior"
"Redder than the rose, whiter than the lilies, fairer than all things, I do ever glory in thee..."